3 fun ways to save money

As a college student, I'm of course going through the age old struggle of being flat broke. I'm working two jobs and it seems I NEVER have any money. My parents aren't helping me with my tuition so naturally, I'll be coming out of school with an ass load of student loans to pay off. Damn, looks like I'm going to actually go out and try to contribute to society. But until then, I'm just trying to make it by spending as little money as possible. And, since I'm so generous and awesome, I'll share with you all a few helpful hints on how to wheel and deal.

1. Mooch. Quite possibly, mooching off others is the most effective way to save money in college. Make it seem as though you have nothing to contribute. You and your friends are going someplace, DO NOT DRIVE YOUR CAR. Parking far away from your present location is a good excuse to use someone else's car. And don't offer gas money, people will figure out that you've got cash on hand. And if the driver asks you for money, just say you don't have any on you and he'll get it later. Odds are, he'll forget.

2. Working the system. Working the system can get comlicated at times, but it can save you more money than you really know. Take for example, you work at a restaurant. Offer your free meals to employees of another establishment, perhaps a movie theater, in exchange for their employee benefits. Everyone knows that going through the proper channels only attracts attention to actions some bosses might not approve of, so keep everything on the D.L. It's a risk trying to deal with a manager, but if you can find one that's cool, it is more profitable than the employee/employee deals. You'll find that once these transactions have been going on for a while, the market will evolve so that you can get free meals or free movies or anything else free without all the shady back alley deals. You can simply go into the establishment get what you need and leave, assuming the employees who hook you up can do the same.

3. Stealing. Stealing is a great way to save money, and can be fun and exciting as well as rewarding. Although some squares seem to think blatantly stealing is somehow wrong, rationalizing your actions is part of the fun. Instead of saying, "I'm taking the stores products," just think, "I work long hours for the fat cats at the top, making them a lot more money than they give me. I'm just leveling the playing field." And besides, for all the positive work you put in for the job, even the owners would say that taking stuff every now and then is a fair trade. Just don't be an idiot about it and get greedy. After all, this is to help save money, not make money.

The point is, once you're out of college with a real job, you are the system. So taking advantage of it is ripping yourself off. We all know you can't keep up the scams forever, so take this opportunity to get ahead. And really, you're learning to think outside the box and how to use loopholes to your advantage. That's the American way.

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Blog Portfolio

Click here for my blog portfolio. It is a simple website I made. I thought this assignment was a really good way to wrap up the semester, even though this surely isn't the end of the Hamster's Wheel. This portfolio includes my 3 best posts, a review on each of my presentations, a review on my favorite post, some final thoughts and a message board just in case anybody has anything to say. I hope you like it.

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My Erotic Blog Post

Marissa, your comments before class, although somewhat crass, have inspired this post. This is MY EROTIC BLOG POST.

Okay, this is something that has been bothering me ALL SEMESTER. I sit here in the back facing this painting by Georgia O'Keefe called "Grey line with black, blue, and yellow" and I just have to ask: Does anyone else think this painting looks like a gaping vagina??? It creeps me out! Every time I come to class I have this giant snooch staring me down. How am I supposed to blog with something like that going on???

"STEEEEEEVVVVEEEE!!! Acknowledge my presence, or fear my wrath!!!!!"

Good god, this painting is going to destroy my grade. Damn you, Georgia. I kept thinking that O'Keefe's work would kill my grade until I looked over and saw her other painting in class. It's just some flowers. Is it possible my perverted mind just drew this sexual comparison out of nothing? Nope. I looked up other paintings by this pornographer, oops, I mean artist, and found that other paintings of hers bear resemblance to the uhhh...lady-bits.

Try to guess which one wasn't painted by Georgia O'Keefe. Yeah, so pretty much all her paintings have some kind of female genitalia undertone. Or as I like to call it, SMUT.

And what in the hell is this thing?

I'm not EVEN going there.

Or how about the masterpiece "Ice Cave" or Georgia's first working title, "My Crotch on a Very Cold Day"

Brrrrrrr.

These next two winners I thought were the same painting at first. Then I noticed the subtle difference. But why make two paintings so similar? Then, like the brilliant detective I am, I figured out what must be going on here.

Maybe I'm just not "artsy."

I'm going to stop there, but trust me people, they only get worse. I'm sure there's probably some lame artistic explanation like, "She was portraying the miracle of life by exposing the similarities between the growth of a flower and the growth of human life in the womb." Here's my interpretation: "She was showing eveyone that flowers look like noonies." Well congrats, Georgia. You've been able to make money off your sick pleasures, but this is one guy who ain't buying your excuse. One last thought:

How about a little discretion next time?

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My second blog presentation

This is my second blog presentation...IN TWO DAYS! Thanks, Donna.

No, just kidding. For this presentation, I thought I would take you all to the forefront of blogging. The most instantly gratifying way to cover breaking news: Moblogs. Moblogs are blogs that are posted from mobile devices, like cell phones or PDAs. Although this technology has only recently went mainstream, the first internet post from a mobile device was made in 1995 by Steve Mann, professor in the Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering at the University of Toronto. He made this post from a wearable computer. Here is a picture of Mann with this device, I'm NOT MAKING THIS UP:

Looks more like he's preparing to time-travel, not post on the internet. And he bears a striking resemblance to Turbo-Mech, the Tank transformer:

Oh well, thank god we don't live in that age anymore. Now the extent of equipment needed to post to the internet can fit comfortably in your pocket.

And unlike their predecessors, Mobloggers are now able to use their phones to post pictures and video on the internet mere seconds after capture. With all of this technology literally at your fingertips, blogs are leaving conventional news media in the dust. An article from USC Annenberg headlines Moblogs Seen as Crystal Ball in New Era of Online Journalism. Keep in mind this was posted 3 years ago, and Moblogging has only gained popularity since then. Futurist author Howard Rheingold is quoted from his book, Smart Mobs asking, "What if smart mobs could empower entire populations to engage in peer-to-peer journalism? Imagine the power of the Rodney King video multiplied by the power of Napster. ... Putting video cameras and high-speed Net connections in telephones, however, moves blogging into the streets. By the time this book is published, I'm confident that street bloggers will have constructed a worldwide culture." Well, Howard, you were right. Moblogging is more popular today than ever before and as cell phones are becoming ever more powerful, the potential of Moblogs is continuously growing, and no end seems to be in sight. But as we all know: Moblogs, Mo' Problems. This is the extreme in the battle between bloggers and conventional news media. The main complaint of the mainstream news with bloggers has always been with reliabilty. Can you really trust your news when potentially anyone with a computer can post whatever they want, calling it truth with no verification to back it up? After all, Moblogs are usually posted immediately after the fact, and we all know how stories can change, even in professional news. We've all seen a story on the news start out as something and develop over time as more details come out. And moblogs run the risk of posting news with little or no investigation.
Obviously, if you want ROCK SOLID news watch TV or read reliable newspapers. But if you're one of those cutting edge, "gimme-it-now" news people, check the latest moblogs. You'll see news from anywhere, as it happens.

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People almost dying is SO funny!

What is it about people getting hurt that is SO freaking funny? I can't figure it out. It's not just the sight of it, because it's not funny when it's fake, like slapstick comedy is so lame. Like the 3 Stooges? What the hell? How was that ever funny? One guy says something dumb and another guy calls him a "Chowderhead" and hits him on the head. But when somebody slips and bounces down a flight of stairs on their ass, I can't stop laughing. Or when a little kid wants something another kid has so he just jacks the kid in the face and takes it, OH MAN, that cracks me up! And nothing makes me laugh harder than when people on campus fall on their bike! It's too funny! I love going to sites like ebaumsworld and checking out the latest videos, because much of them are people falling or getting racked in the nuts. It's a basic human instinct to enjoy the misfortunes of others. Why do you think Jackass was such a huge success? Because the hosts were charming and witty??? Guess again, it's because we are strangely intrigued by somebody getting beat up. Everyone has a favorite story of their friend getting hurt. Personally, I love it when people almost die on trampolines, or as I like to call them, "Spring-loaded child injury machines." Who ever thought, "Let's give kids an aparatus that flings them several feet into the air, in the hopes that they land on back on it." and how did this thing get past toy safety boards? I've seen recalled items far less dangerous than trampolines. But then, maybe on the Consumer Product Safety Commission has the same sense of humor I do. It would be a shame to miss out on your friend flying off the side and into mud. That's funny. I think trampolines are actually helping society. Think of evolution and the theory of natural selection. Those less fitted for survival die off, eliminating chance of reproduction, so only the best at surviving pass on their genes. So when some moron tries to do a double backflip off a trampoline and ends up doing a one and a quarter, it's actually good for the species. My family has had a trampoline since I was little. I did all the flips and cartwheels and whatever stunts you can think of, but I never once got hurt. No one has ever gotten seriously injured on our trampoline, even when we had like four kids bouncing around at one time. And ours is old school too, none of these walls of netting and padding that go around trampolines today. We don't even have a pad over the springs. Once, when my parents weren't home, my brother and I pushed the trampoline over to the side of the house and I jumped off the roof onto it. It was a huge rush, and I knew how to control myself, so all that happened was I bounced incredibly high, and then I stopped myself the next time I landed. Could I have gotten hurt? Of course. Did I? No. Would it have been funny as hell if I had? OH YEAH!

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My Blog Presentation

I have to admit, I'm not the most computer literate person but even I can do this. For this presentation, I'm going to show you how to make a photo album for your blog. There are a few you can use, some you have to pay and some are free. Some options are
Kodakgallery
Smugmug
Shutterfly
Fotki
I like Fotki best, it's free and really easy. So, if you ever want to make a photo album for your blog go to Fotki and click join now on the right side of the screen. From there, you just follow the standard signup instructions and once you've logged in, you're ready to start uploading photos. It's pretty self explanatory and a great way to show your friends and family your favorite photos in a convenient form.

I made my first album yesterday with some photos I collected from emails from my family. Once you've got the album all ready, you can make a post with a nice little introduction and post a link to the slideshow.

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7 reasons why Bruce Lee kicked ass

This is the last thing you will see before you crap your pants and die.

God, I wish Bruce Lee was still around. And before I get comments about any significance of Jackie Chan or his monkeyish successor, Jet Li, let me just say that Bruce Lee could punch both of those circus acrobats right out of show business. So as we can all agree that Bruce Lee is the only notable Asian ever in action movies, or really the only one in any kind of multinational entertainment, let's examine reasons why Bruce Lee kicked ass.


1. His nickname is "The Dragon." Bruce Lee is the only person in the history of human existence cool enough to pull off such a nickname. Other action heroes could only dream of such badassity, such as Arnold Schwarzeneggar mockingly known as "the Governator" or Sylvestor Stallone known as "the douchebag that made Judge Dread."


2. His stunts have become legendary. He once side-kicked a 150 lb. punching bag in half. And he also did one-handed pushups using only two fingers. Don't believe me? It has since gone down as legend, but check the facts. It happened. He could have just as well kicked you in half, and then thrown Jean Claude Van Damme through a car windshield.


3. You can actually understand him when he talks.
"EET'S NOT AH TOO-MUH!" -Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Kindergarden Cop
"Well, den yeh gan tell Bai-zon det I'm cah-ming fer heem." -Jean Claude Van Damme, Street Fighter
"Ceh-na you onner stan deh wuds det ah coming out of my mouf?" -Jackie Chan, Rush Hour
"I weew be deh wahn." -Jet Li, The One
And Vin Diesel's obvious attempts to conjure up an image of manliness lead him to speak in such low octaves that dialogue can only be discerned with the use of a seismograph. Is it really that difficult for Hollywood to find someone who can fight and talk? Is there no one out there who can do this? There was, Bruce Lee.


4. He made martial arts cool. I don't know about you guys, but when I think of martial arts I think of nerdy little twerps in karate outfits grunting in a gym, oh sorry I mean "Dojo", for some Asian immigrant who figured out that ignorant Americans will pay good money to any Asian for karate lessons. Never mind that three weeks ago the guy was cutting off fish heads in Hong Kong. But Bruce Lee could do martial arts with such fury, and at the same time such grace, that it made Kung Fu something other than what 10 year old geeks try to learn to stop the daily ass-whippings from schoolyard bullies. Face it, when Bruce Lee twirls nunchuks, you want to see how much more amazing he can be. When little Scotty twirls nunchucks, you want to see him crack his skull open.


5. Bruce Lee doesn't need people making up random ridiculous facts about him to proclaim his greatness. His films and life's work speak for themselves. So while Chuck Norris has supposedly roundhouse kicked someone into another dimension, Bruce Lee really has knocked out a man with a 1 inch punch (a blow with no draw-back, just holding the fist one inch away from the target). Chuck Norris isn't good enough to stand in the same fighting-ring as Bruce Lee, which is lucky for Chuck since anyone who ever stepped in the ring with Bruce Lee was rendered unable to bear children for life.


6. He was a real life David vs. Goliath. Bruce Lee defied all expectations and excelled at whatever he put his mind to. Keep in mind, he was tiny, only 5'7" 135 lbs. but he wasn't afraid to fight ANYBODY. Not only did Bruce Lee defeat opponents towering over him in REAL, UNSTAGED martial arts tournaments, but he overcame the long-standing stereotype that Asian men at that time were expected to be meek, polite house servants, and instead exploded into the film industry as a an action hero with the most electrifying fight scenes to ever appear on screen. And unlike David, Bruce Lee doesn't decapitate his victims. Bruce Lee leaves them to rot as they lay, as they are unworthy of the effort it would take to disgrace them.


7. All of his movies revolve around him kicking people's asses. No campy filler about saving the world, or something lame like that. His last movie, "Game of Death" is about a treasure at the top of a pagoda. Fight your way to the top and get the treasure. Simple as that, now let's go. See? It makes for a great movie. Not only that but he beats the crap out of Karim Abdul Jabir at the end. Thank god somebody got around to knocking that oaf out. But seriously, I don't care if the only hope is Keanu Reeves saving the planet from ultimate destruction. Bruce Lee's take on movies was: This guy is bad so I'll destroy him. They just don't make Kung Fu movies like they used to. Here's to you, Bruce. I hope that one day, we'll meet in heaven. And you'll kick my ass.

Bruce Lee is all that is MAN.

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