Being alive is linked to cancer!

After my last post, I started thinking about the dangers of being a redhead. Since Spring has really started and the sun has come out, I got a slight sunburn playing frisbee the other day. Maybe I should be continuously wearing sunscreen once April begins, because redheads are more likely to develop skin cancer. But then I started thinking about how EVERYTHING gives you cancer. You stand out in the sun too long. Oops! You got cancer. You talk on a cell phone. Whoops, that's gonna need some chemo! Seriously, I searched for "linked to cancer" and found these results:
Protein linked to cancer
Uneven breasts linked to cancer
Soft Drinks linked to cancer
Cell phone linked to cancer
Plastics linked to cancer, AND as a double whammy, linked to genital abnormalities
Severe arthritis linked to cancer
Mental health linked to cancer
Living in cages linked to cancer (So, seriously, don't live in a cage. You'll get cancer.)
Deodorant linked to cancer
Milk linked to cancer
Low cholesterol linked to cancer Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't!
Pain killers linked to cancer
Water treatment linked to cancer
Oral sex linked to cancer
MicroRNAs linked to cancer
MicroRNAs? What the hell? I don't even know what that is to avoid it. And oral sex gives you cancer? Screw that, I think I'll take my chances. Oh, and pain killers give you cancer! Doesn't that mean that if you have cancer the pain killers make it worse? I half expected to find that I'm somehow giving myself cancer right now. Latest headline: SCIENCE DISCOVERS THAT AIR IS LINKED TO CANCER! Uh oh, this just in: SCIENCE DISCOVERS THAT STUDYING CANCER IS LINKED TO CANCER! There's no escape!!! Oh, forget it. We're all gonna get cancer. So for all you lucky pigmented people out there, get a tan. You might as well look good while you still can. Because when you're old and wrinkled from all the tanning, with one boob or one ball from the resulting cancer, you can look back at pictures of yourself on the beach and think, "Damn, I was sexy!"



Sadly, this little girl contracted cancer from exposure to dog saliva and died.