Hey, Red!

I'm a ginger kid. I'm a pale-skinned, freckled, blue-eyed, ginger kid. Always have been, always will be. I don't even think about it, really. But I've noticed that for other people, it defines me. Why? My hair is red, so what? Apparently, there is A LOT that goes with it. Some people with red hair feel a lot of different emotions about it. Some love their ginger locks, while other detest it. According to a study done by researchers at the University of Northern Iowa, red headed men rate on average less attractive than all other types and ethnicities. And a vast majority of expectant parents said that they desired red hair least of all other types for their children. Great, now I gotta rely on my charm and charisma to get girls... Well that's hopeless. Oh well, marriage and families, and happiness in general is overrated. I started thinking about this when I happened across fan club for redheads. A fan club? What is this fascination of red hair that blondes and brunettes have? I know a lot of the members are redheads who love their hair. But it's just hair color! I guess it has something to do with how rare it is. Less than 4% of the world has naturally red hair, and less than 2% in America. The largest concentration of red hair is in Ireland, at 13%, next Scotland with 10%. As such a rare occurance, there has been a lot of myths about red heads. Why is that redheads are expected to be excitable and short-tempered? Is it just the symbolism of fire and anger? Our society has placed some standards on red heads. Here's a few interesting facts from the past:

In Greek mythology, redheads turn into vampires when they die.
In the 16th century, fat of a redheaded man was an ingredient for poison.
During the Spanish Inquisition, redheads were assumed to have stolen fire from hell, and were executed.
Women with red hair were commonly accused of being witches during the time of the Salem Witch Trials.
At St. Paul's Cathedral in London, paintings of Adam and Eve tell the story of the Original Sin. In the beginning, Eve's hair is blonde. After the sin is committed, Eve's hair has turned red.
Adolf Hitler banned the marriage of two redheads for fear that their children would be "deviant offspring."

Wow, I'm glad I didn't live back then. Now the only thing I have to put up with is random old people feeling the need to excitedly greet me wherever I go with, "Hey, Red!" And you know, there are a lot of beneficial aspects of being a carrot-top.

Red hair doesn't turn gray, it turns a sandy color. Red heads also usually don't go bald with age.
It has been proven that people seeing red hair have increased metabolism, heart rate, and respiration. So I guess you should marry a redhead. It's healthier.
For some reason, red headed people are harder to sedate than all other types. A 2002 study showed that redheads require 20% more anesthesia.
Redheads usually have better vision and sense of smell, with worse hearing. Blondes and brunettes have been found to have no tendency towards increases or decreases in any of the senses.
True story: My redheaded little sister, Maureen, went to the St. Louis Zoo with my mom. They went to the Orangutan habitat and found tons of kids shouting at the lazy, oblivious orangtuan behind the glass. My sister got up to the glass, not shouting or waving or jumping around, and the Orangutan noticed her, got up, and walked over to the glass face-to-face with Maureen. She put her hand on the glass, and the orangutan did the same!

I'm not making this stuff up, people. So basically, I'm a short tempered, less-attractive witch, whose fat is poison and commited the Original Sin after stealing fire from hell, and I don't have to worry about grey hair or baldness, while seeing you and smelling you better but I can't hear you, who would produce deviant offspring with another redhead. Oh yeah, and I'm going to become a vampire when I die. Whatever, I have red hair, no big deal. Just give me some SPF 45 sunblock, and I'll be fine.