FACEBOOK CONSPIRACY DISCOVERED

ATTENION FACEBOOK MEMBERS:

My older brother recently uncovered a facebook conspiracy. The other day, a girl named Claire Marshall added my brother Andy as a friend. He had no idea who the girl was. He confirmed the request and checked out her profile. She was an alumnus from WashU, and said she had just moved to the Chicago area. Her picture was of three girls with cowboy hats with her sorority letters on them, holding beers. A pretty standard picture, like every sorority chick has a million pictures exactly like that. But she has no other pictures, and I challenge anyone to find ONE sorority girl who doesn't have other pictures on facebook! The girl had not listed her birthday, which is weird because everyone knows that girls are ravenous fiends for birthday-wishes on their birthday, whose hunger for "happy birthdays" is never satisfied. But whatever, we continue with our investigation. Her interests were SO generic; shopping, partying with friends, movies, and music. Sounds to me like some old person's feeble attempt to describe what "the kids these days" are into. She describes herself as a workaholic (a word I HATE, because what the hell is workahol???) and says she is into Consulting. How vague, like anyone really knows what consulting entails anyway. But then, things really got interesting. All of her wall posts were from people writing things like, "Hey Claire. Have we met?" and "Sorry, but I can't remember ever meeting you." And she doesn't have a bunch of friends from WashU, but rather a selection of kids from all over the country. So my brother looks up the WashU student directory, which includes recent alumni, and she wasn't on it. But what could be going on here? Here's a theory. Claire Marshall is really a marketing firm. Think about it! So much of your marketing research is already done for you. It's all there: Your sex, age, race, religion, geographic location, interests, likes and dislikes, level of education, area of study, and all the information about target demographics that would make marketers skeet skeet their pants! And it's all written up, in a neat little report, ready to analyze. So I'm going to continue looking into this little miss Claire Marshall, but until then heed this warning. The Man is on facebook, and he's using you to further his agenda of corporate domination. So don't confirm anyone to friends that you don't know, or delete anyone who you've already confirmed. The suits are out there, and they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want. Nothing is sacred to them. Stand with me, people. The one thing they can't take is our resolve to NOT be taken advantage of.